Benjamin,
So much has been happening to us lately that we haven't really had time to sit and talk like we did back at Morrigan's mansion. There was the argument that, even as we were having it, felt like it was something we'd already argued over before. There was the bomb of my father's illness, the civil war we had to abandon in Cairo followed by the attack by Balor and his Keepers. I know how hard that was for you to turn your back on and my heart was breaking for you and your people. It was one of the hardest things I've done, standing there and urging you on, knowing we were abandoning them to Keeper rule. I don't yet know the outcome, but I will be eternally sorry that we had to that.
There are so many good qualities to you that I sometimes worry all the constant arguing and criticism is going to make it hard for you to see them. I know our arguing doesn't help things and I don't think I tell you enough how much I need you love you. You are absolutely my pillar of strength. When I am feeling the tinges of fear and worry about the future all it takes is one look from your soft, brown eyes or the gentle touch of your had on my arm and I just know that everything will be alright. No matter what we face I do it with the knowledge you will be by my side, fighting off the darkness. You are smarter than others give you credit for and always seem to be the calm in the raging storm that can be, Rhia and I.
This latest information on my father and the state of the pantheon has set me on edge far more than I admit to anyone, even you. The very idea that the Black Tezcatlipoca will have even an ounce of control again scares me more than Balor. I have always wondered why he is part of the Teotl but I guess, in the end, every pantheon has their "Tezcatlipoca." I have so very many fears over this. I fear my father will die and I will lose the man who, quite literally, saved me. I know how the rest of the world sees him, but for me he will always be my father, the man who fell to his knees when I told him I was having our son. I fear that I will not be able to claim the throne and yet simultaneously...that I will. I've lead my father's warriors into battle countless times but leading the pantheon is something entirely different. I haven't had the experience you or Rhia has had, and I wonder how long I will be able to keep together and no fall flat on my face. I worry that in taking it I make myself an even bigger target for Tezcatlipoca. I worry...gods I worry. I think biggest of all, I worry you will resent me for pushing to save my pantheon from a potential disaster, when your own is facing a civil war. How hypocritical am I for rushing to save my own, when I pushed to turn our backs on yours?
I hope one day you forgive me for that. Because I need that right now, and am too afraid to ask it. The others are waking and you are about to return from patrol so I will end it here. Know that no matter what comes our way, battles, arguments, loss...I will always love you. You are my sun, my heart, and my soul. My blood calls out for you and sings for joy in your presence.
Your loving wife,
Tal.
